Wisdom often does not come with age. Senility, though...

“The days may come, the days may go, but still the hands of memory weave the blissful dreams of long ago.” — George Cooper, “Sweet Genevieve,” 1877.

Starting out with a song from over 125 years ago. Not a good sign. If I hadn’t already guessed by the fact that his name was Corky, I would know for sure by now that Corky Simpson is really old. And, as Furman Bisher has shown us, old people don’t always know best. Especially old people so old as to be senile.

You don’t have to swear to the truth of a song, you merely sit back and enjoy it. Baseball is that way. The heart of the sport is uniquely woven into the dreams of long ago.

Fuck the heck? “Swear to the truth”? Does that refer to, like, Pearl Jam’s Jeremy, which really did happen, or like Rage Against the Machine’s Sleep Now in the Fire, where Zack de la Rocha describes how he is going to singlehandedly tear down the capitalist society of the United States (which really has not happened yet, nor would I ever bet on it happening)? I guess the meaning is okay, but that first sentence makes no sense.

I’m not even going to try and tackle that last sentence.

You watch a superb athlete as he develops into a star, and you follow his career through its final innings.

And for those who weren’t born yet (luckily, Corkmaster Flash doesn’t have to count himself in this category), God (no) Al Gore (wrong) some nerd (try again) Tim Berners-Lee invented the Internet. And Bill James/The Hardball Times/Baseball Prospectus/Fangraphs created statistics that help us evaluate players we didn’t have the privilege of seeing.

Then you cheer again when he joins that pantheon of knights in knickers and is voted into the Hall of Fame.

I laughed at knights in knickers. Especially knickers.

Okay, so what’s the point? Let’s move on to Masta C’s picks for the Hall of Fame.

I’ve just completed my second ballot as a retired sports scribbler and lifetime honorary member of the Baseball Writers Association of America.

My choices this year are:

# Pitcher Bert Blyleven, who ranks fifth all-time in strikeouts and ninth in shutouts.

Excellent.

# Andre Dawson, outfielder, National League Most Valuable Player Award winner in 1987.

I personally disagree, but he has a case. Not going to argue too much. Although Cork Dawg didn’t exactly present a very persuasive case.

# Tommy John, who pitched for 26 seasons, second most in major league history, won 288 games and gave his name to a surgical technique for which he was a pioneer and after which he won the National League’s Comeback Player of the Year in 1976.

Disagree, but not awful. 26 seasons is a lot, and gives John a pretty decent case based on sheer longevity.

# Don Mattingly, who played 14 seasons, all with the New York Yankees and won nine Gold Glove Awards at first base.

Doesn’t exactly scream Hall of Fame to me. Remember that Internet thing I was telling you about? On it, people like to talk about why Don Mattingly shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame. You should check it out sometime.

The main reasons thrown around regarding Mattingly’s candidacy are his short career (which De La Cork mentions as well, seemingly in his favor), and lack of production outside his shortish peak.

Mattingly is far from the worst of possible candidates, though.

# Tim Raines, a seven-time All-Star outfielder, 1986 National League batting champion and four-time base-stealing champ.

Again, not a compelling argument, but I agree with the choice.

# Jim Rice, who played 16 seasons, all with the Boston Red Sox. Rice was the 1978 American League Most Valuable Player, and he finished his career with a .298 lifetime batting average and 382 home runs.

See Andre Dawson (just scroll up). These are not Hall of Fame numbers, and one MVP is hardly a determining factor.

# Alan Trammell, who shares the major league record for most years by a shortstop (20) and played all those seasons with the Detroit Tigers. He was voted to six All-Star teams and was a member of the 1984 World Series champion Tigers.

Excellent choice. A better argument could be made, but this isn’t a bad start.

Oh, but Bill Dahlen says hi.

# Matt Williams, my first Hall of Fame vote for an Arizona Diamondback player. Matty played 17 seasons for the Giants, Indians and Diamondbacks. Nobody ever played the game with more intensity, nor with more reverence for the sport.

He was the inspirational leader of the 2001 World Series champion D’backs.

If Inspectah Cork wasn’t an Arizona sportswriter, I would totally be all over this choice. As it is, it’s a homer vote. I wish people would stop doing it, but it’s harmless. No huge problem from me, as long as Ghostface Corkah recognizes that nobody else should vote for Matt Williams.

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. No outrageous selections. He even voted for Raines, Trammell, and Blyleven. Why am I doing this again?

Of those I didn’t vote for but wish I could have, Mark McGwire tops the list.

One, two, seventeen, thirty-six, four hundred and twelve, negative fifty kabillion, zero, eight. He only voted for eight guys. The Notorious C.O.R.K. could have voted for two more if he wanted to.

So now I’m getting into semantics. This seems to be a waste of time.

Others honored with nomination this year and who may well be voted into the Hall of Fame, include Harold Baines, Jay Bell, David Cone, Ron Gant, Mark Grace,

*yawn*

Rickey Henderson,

Whaaaaaaaaaa? RICKEY HENDERSON? 2CORK DIDN’T VOTE FOR RICKEY HENDERSON?

Wait. I can’t be reading this right. Was that Dave Henderson? Rickey Clark? Is Corky-C going senile?

I really hope so. I really, really hope so. Otherwise, he should have his license revoked. (Actually, he should have his license revoked for using the phrase “knights in knickers”). There is no way Rickey Henderson – RICKEY HENDERSON -- belongs in the same category as Ron Gant. I can’t even fathom how anybody could possibly think that.

I am now going to jump off a cliff to make sure this isn’t a really bad dream.

Jack Morris, Dale Murphy, Jesse Orosco, Dave Parker, Dan Plesac, Lee smith, Greg Vaughn and Mo Vaughn.

Voters were limited to 10 choices.

There is no universally accepted definition of greatness in baseball, but all of the men nominated contributed enormously to the enjoyment of the game.

The hands of memory weave many blissful dreams of these boys of summer.

Just got out of the hospital. Nope, this wasn’t a dream. Ice Cork really did cast a ballot without Rickey Henderson. Unlike the time when I was in a band and I thought one of my groupies stole my guitar so I was running around looking for it because I couldn’t go onstage without it but it turned out to be my cousin who gave it back and I started playing but then I realized it was a dream. That one actually was a dream. Unfortunately. I really wish that one could’ve been real, and the one with MC Cork not voting for Rickey Henderson an actual dream. But maybe it’s better this way. Rickey got into the Hall of Fame anyway, and I can’t play guitar at all. That band would have sucked.

Still would’ve been cool to be in a band, though.

I'm rambling. And that was a Plaschkegraph. Time to stop.