Mission Statement and Other Et Ceteras

So Fire Joe Morgan shut down a couple weeks ago, and I decided that I needed to start a blog of my own. I started a thread on Baseball Fever, and a few days later started the blog. Which is this. Right here.

I think we need a mission statement, since I titled this post Mission Statement and Other Et Ceteras. So here goes. Bill Plaschke Sucks (hereafter referred to as BPS) was designed to continue the mission of Fire Joe Morgan (hereafter referred to as FJM): to seek out bad sports journalism, and to mock its awfulness. We titled this blog Bill Plaschke Sucks, simply because he does. We do not like flowery one-sentence paragraphs with no point. We do not like people who rely on effeminate prose as opposed to logic, reason, and statistics to prove a point. We do not like people who outrightly spurn intelligent thought in favor of "tradition". We hate/love writers who use food metaphors. Wherever the writings of these people are, we will also (try to) be there. With some snarky criticism, hopefully.

Questions That Have Not Yet Been Asked, But We Anticipate Being Asked Frequently (QTHNYBABWABAF):

What are your favorite teams?

I am an Orioles fan. J.W. is a Mets fan. So we've both been through hard times recently as it pertains to our favorite baseball teams. The O's are awful, and the Mets have choked twice in a row. Uhhhhh.... nothing really else to say.

Where do you live?

I am not at liberty to divulge this information.

Can you at least give me a state?

No. Go away.

A country?

I am Canadian born and currently live in the US. You'll have to ask everybody else on your own, and they may not get back to you.

What's the deal with the way eb45 writes?

I try to write like I talk. So I won't always use good grammar. And I begin a lot of sentences with 'so' or 'and'. So yeah, get used to it.

In all seriousness, I write in a stream-of-consciousness style sort of subconsciously (does that make any sense?). My favorite book of all time is Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury, specifically the section narrated by Quentin, mostly for its use of the same stream-of-consciousness style that I have incorporated into my own writing. I also like to use compact sentences, but I have no qualms about using run-on sentences. And I ramble a lot. Just warning you.

Why can't I comment?

Like FJM, we don't want flame wars starting in the comment section. If you want to comment on our writing, email us.

Did Ichiro run over eb45's dog/cat/brother?

No. I just think he is the single most overrated player of this generation, and perhaps of all time, though Nolan Ryan challenges him for the latter title.

Is J.W. actually a computer?

I personally think so.

Wait, you just told me to email you. Why didn't you give me an address?

I hadn't created it yet. Now I have. billplaschkesucks@yahoo.com. Also, why did you ask two questions before following up?

I'm asking the questions here.

Right.