LeBron James to Switch Sports?

Oh, Buster Olney. You're usually a pretty solid writer. Why did you suddenly have to go off the reservation with this?

CC Sabathia's best friend in baseball is Brewers reliever David Riske, and in the days leading up to Sabathia's trade to Milwaukee in July, the two talked repeatedly about the latest rumors, about how great it would be to play together again. The day before the trade was completed, Riske heard the Indians and Brewers were closing in on a deal and he called the left-hander, wondering if he was headed to Milwaukee for a physical examination.

Perhaps amusingly, there's nothing wrong with this. This is a pretty solid first paragraph. In fact, the first three paragraphs are pretty good. For that reason, I'll just say the heck with the next two and cut to the chase.

Sabathia, in the end, might take the largest offer he receives -- and in the end, the largest offer will come from the Yankees. But other factors, such as friendships, will be a factor in what Sabathia decides, and the Yankees might have gotten very lucky Friday.[...]

So perhaps C.C. is also a friend of Nick Swisher? Maybe Kanekoa Texeira went to school with his cousin or something?

The timing of a transaction in another sport came at a very opportune time for them.

Uh, wait. Another sport?!?!?!?!?!? What possible bearing does another sport have on C.C.'s decision? I'm going to cheat on this one and peak down at the rest of the article. Since the sport played is basketball, the two aren't even played in the same season. With David Riske, C.C. Sabathia was actually in the same clubhouse for every game as soon as he was dealt to Milwaukee. With the basketball player I'm about to copy and paste on this page, he'd be lucky if C.C. got him season tickets for da Bommahs in a luxury box.

Sabathia developed a friendship, through his years in Cleveland, with LeBron James, as the two became the biggest stars in a small town. They have bopped around New York together in the past, and Friday the Knicks made trades that are being viewed as precursors to their pursuit, in another 20 months, of James.

I don't even know where to begin. Well no, I do, but I'm just saying that to emphasize how awful this paragraph is. First off, LeBron James does not even play for the New York Knicks, to say nothing of the somewhat more baseball-oriented New York Yankees. Secondly...twenty MONTHS? Even if the Knicks somehow do wind up with LeBron James, C.C. Sabathia will have pitched his first season in pinstripes and will be over halfway through his second. I know this is pretty clichéd, but I think Buster just might be getting ahead of himself. Just a wee bit, of course. And then there's that whole business again about baseball and basketball being different sports being played in different seasons.

Presumably, at some point, Sabathia and James have shared a conversation about living and playing in New York at the same time -- Sabathia for the Yankees, James for the Knicks. James, as the world famously learned in the playoffs of 2007, is a Yankees fan.

This is all nice and dandy, but did anyone else notice something about this paragraph? Yes, that's right. All this time we're being led into believing that C.C. and LeBron have made a verbal pact with one another; we now learn no such conversation is proven to have occured. Buster, why are you even writing this? Wait! I know! You must have bought an insurance policy that covers carpal tunnel syndrome and the tumbling economy has you worried. Yeah, I know, but it still makes more sense than this drivel. And did I mention that baseball and basketball are different sports played in different seasons? And did I also mention that Riske and Sabathia were there for every game and that Sabathia and LeBron won't be together for one single game even if LeBron is traded in a year and a half, even if they did have a conversation about this?

I had a couple of conversations with Sabathia during the season about his free agency, and walked away with a couple of strong impressions:

Would the first one be that he's a great pitcher and the second be that he likes cheeseburgers?

1. He fully appreciates the fact that no matter what decision he makes, he is never going to be able to spend the money he is about to earn.

What if he wants to buy his own MiG-29? That might empty the piggybank a bit.

2. Factors other than money could serve as tiebreakers in his decision. Maybe, in the end, it will be about remaining in his home state of California, if the Dodgers or Giants or Angels check in with a competitive offer. Maybe it will be about playing in the National League. Maybe it will be about heading to New York with a good friend who happens to be a pretty good basketball player, and taking a parallel path and commiserating and sharing the experience of shouldering enormous pressure and conquering New York.

Maybe it will be the quality of the food in the stadium. Maybe it will be the quality of the car dealership a couple blocks from the stadium. Maybe it will be the presence of a Friedrich Nietszche Society within two miles of the stadium. Or maybe it could be whether he's pitching in a bandbox or in a pitcher's park, something which Buster bewilderingly leaves off his list. All, including the Friedrich Nietszche Society, are more probable than a trade in another sport that may or may not happen around late July, 2010.

Alas, my first article is devoid of food metaphors. I'll go crawl back in my hole, now.